Hair Story

My mother, who's been a professional hairstylist for over 20 years, gave me my first relaxer at 5 years old. I assure you, it wasn't because my hair was unmanageable. My mom was, and still is brilliant at not only black hair, but hair in general....She was simply sick of me screaming over getting my hair done. I'm the baby out of three girls--and I was a brat... and tender headed. Mom adamantly believes she never put a relaxer in my head that young. But low in behold, my 1st grade school picture - RELAXED. Straight as a bone. Long, healthy, & beautiful...but relaxed indeed.

My mother owned and ran her own hair salon for over 15 years - I'd seen black natural hair before, but about 99.9% of the black clients I saw go in and out of my mom's salon had relaxers and several wore weave for length. So it's not that I grew up believing long straight hair was the only beautiful hair...it's just that's all I'd seen. Black hair was kinky, so black women wore relaxers. End of story. If I had 2 inches of new growth, my hair was "nappy" and I needed a "touch up".  If my edges weren't smooth, then my relaxer wasn't straight enough. If I ran my fingers through my scalp and it wasn't silky smooth, then give it about 3 weeks and it was time for a relaxer.  I had this hair regime down pact by age 13.

I was that black girl who's hair was always done. I lived with a stylist so it was easy. My hair was down my back till my junior year in highschool when I decided to be grown and chop some hair off. My mom cut it to my shoulders and I loved it.

By the time I went off to college, my hair was long again, but I had no idea what kind of trial I would go through to keep it healthy. Mom sent me away to college with a big ol' gallon of Affirm relaxer.
"Soooo, every 6-8 weeks, but how do I apply it???"
"Just slap it in there....on the new growth." Ohhhh Mom. She had so much faith in me. HAHA!

So that's what I did. I sllllapped it in there. And within a year, my hair broke off like a banshee. Rather than sticking to the products that she sent with me, I decided that Herbal Essence smelt "way better" and decided to use that as a deep conditioner instead...oh what else...I trimmed my own hair...uhm...started combing it excesively because it never laid right...uhm...started washing it every three days. (Lord, don't ask where I got that idea from.)...uhm.. used every moisturizer and oil on the planet because my hair always looked dry....uhh, oh yes, and the kicker - when I ran out of the Affirm relaxer I bought some Soft & Beautiful and used that..... Yeaaaah....there were a myriad of stupid decisions I'd made on my already fragile hair. So, my hair broke off entirely in the center and by my sophmore year my hair was above my shoulders.

As a result I began to idolize long hair in college. I lived on black hair forums and used to say things like "when I was 16 my hair was past my bra-strap." Ughhhhghghghghghg ::covers face in shame:: I adopted even more black hair myths like "If you stretch your relaxers, the chemical process will be less damaging." "Heat on black hair is the devil." "You don't have to trim your hair to keep it healthy." "You have to deep condition your hair under a drier for 2 hours at least once a week." ugh...all kinds of stuff.

So about half way through college, I came to the harsh conclusion that I could NOT care for my hair and apart from doing a simple wash and blow dry, I flew home for relaxers. Yes...FLEW...HOME so my mom could do my relaxers. I never allowed a stylist apart from my mother to touch my hair, and I wasn't about to, especially if I had to PAY for it. (PSH!) However, Mom convinced me to find someone in Boston to do my hair and right about the time I graduated from college, I found a stylist in Boston (after VERY EXTENSIVE RESEARCH), and she assisted in nursing my hair back to health.

When I moved to Nashville after graduation, the cycle of bad hair started all over again. Although I'd learned some key lessons about chemically processed hair, I was still dependent. I got decent at flat ironing my hair so at the very least I was able to stretch my relaxers till I could visit home, and I did that for 2 years. (Yea, you thought I would have found a stylist in Nashville...mmm...negative.)

Then I met my friend KAMI! Apart from my mother, Kami was the first woman of color I'd ever met who knew how to manage natural hair. Kami's hair completely shattered my stereotypes of natural black hair and black hair care. First, her texture looked like it maybe sorta coulda been like my natural texture. Mind you....I had no idea what my natural texture was like. I only knew that it DEFINITELY wasn't that Chili from TLC type, baby hair. Whenever black girls who had beautiful silky curly hair tried to talk me into going natural, they very quickly got the side eye from me. But Kami. I felt like Kami understooooood "my texture" of hair. Second, Kami's hair was LONG and natural. When we became good friends I was still in the midst of my "long hair idolization" so the fact that her hair was "kinky" and longer than most relaxed black women I knew, gave her like...80 points.  Until then, I was under the assumption that natural black hair could never be long and thus, I swore up and down that I would and never COULD go natural. Her hair was and still is thick, beautiful, coily, big, and....HEALTHY. She could wear it straight, curly, fro-ed out, pushed to the side, placed in a bun...anything and everything. She OWNED that hair. And she totally inspired me. But not enough to go natural.HA!

The decision to go natural didn't come until I accidentally found a transition style. At this point, I'd worn my hair the same way for my entire life (wow) and I was, well....bored. I toyed with the thought of going natural but I knew I wasn't that girl that could just cut off all her hair and start from scratch. I was way to vain for that. Instead, after some encouragement from my mentor Monica, who was also natural, I began playing with my hair when wet. I tried a braid out and that was the end. I loved the new look it gave me and I knew it would enable me to camoflauge new growth - and by that point, I was tired of keeping up with the relaxers.

The process wasn't the easiest, I'll be honest. Transitioning can be a little awkward at times, especially towards the end when you have more new growth than relaxer, but ohhhhh the REWARD! At 23 years old I saw my hair for the very first time. I'm telling you, it was practically a spiritual experience. I remember I'd gone about 8 months without a relaxer and had about 2 inches of new growth, and I yelled down the hall to my roommate Sade'.  "LOOK!!!! Look at my hair!" I exclaimed to her as I stretched my little two inches of coil. "This is my hair!!!" Literally, I saw ME, MY hair, for the very first time.

I transitioned for about a year and a half, and on April 9th, my mom cut the last two inches of relaxer off while my hair was pressed. Then on April 19th, TERRIFIED, I washed my 100% natural hair for the first time. And came out the shower like a new woman.

So WHYYYY am I writing this blog. Four years natural, I realize I have a passion for black hair. The purpose of this blog is to teach woman of color that ethnic hair in its natural state IS manageable. It's absolutely ridiculous that we have no idea how to care for our hair. We've been totally duped into thinking it can't be tamed without a chemical process. Can we get back to the basics?! I mean, really! Can we start with the basics!!!  If I promise you anything, it's that this blog will be honest. I will share my joys as well as the frustrations of my natural hair; pictures of the good hair days, as well as the bad. The great products & the not so great (for my hair.) Useful techniques, tools, and hopefully some of the universal "do's" and "don'ts" of natural hair. I know no two heads are the same which is where YOU come in. Please, SHARE! As the blog grows I really want guest bloggers. Natural heads of all kinds! Kinky, coily, curly, & locked!

So here it is. Kinks & curls.